Is there a lot of anger in your relationship? Do you feel contempt for your partner? Do you feel disrespected by your partner? Or, does it seem like that communication between you and your partner is not only bad but getting worse? Are you worried that your relationship may eventually dissolve if you don’t do something about it soon?
Perhaps you feel that your sexuality with your partner is dying off and you feel emotionally detached from them? That is, you love them but something is missing. Are you starting to live more like friends rather than as a sexually active and passionate couple?
Have you lost your attraction for your partner? Do you only talk about the children and not about your relationship?
Do you not get along with your partner’s family? Has it become intolerable to the point you wonder if you married your partner or their family? Are you thinking about getting out of your relationship because your partner can’t manage their parents’ behaviours around you?
Relational conflicts between individuals occur because people mirror their partners’ unfinished business(es). They project, in an escalating fashion, their own unaware personal issues onto their partners, until the relationship eventually breaks apart. If you are not aware of your own personal issues and demands, you will project them onto your partner, by becoming angry and defensive—and then guilty. Online couples counselling and therapy can help each partner identify their personal issues that lead to this breakdown while showing each partner how they can have better adaptive responses to partners who become emotional, attacking and/or defensive.
As individuals, we must live our own lives and not attempt to fulfill others' expectations. If we can meet as two whole persons, it gives us a chance at having a much more fulfilling relationship. Individuals in relations must become aware both individually, and as a relation, how they keep repeating old patterns pointed at how their relationship should be. Awareness is the first step, and couples counselling and therapy helps by bringing one’s unconscious issues into awareness.
A good first step is to make sure that your counsellor is licensed to practice therapy and holds a professional, university degree in professional therapy and counselling. Secondly, you want to ensure that the therapist you choose is also specialized in couples counselling and therapy as one of their core competencies.
Not only do I specialize in couples counselling and therapy (with considerable experience in the field), I also have a Masters-degree in Counselling from the University of British Columbia with an Honors designation.
This happens a lot. When it does, I continue to work in a “couples counselling” with the interested partner even though their partner may not feel comfortable in coming in. What I find is that the changes that happen to the partner who is more comfortable start to intrigue the reluctant partner so much that eventually they want to see me as well. I suppose it may irk the reluctant partner, making them curious as to what processes are occurring in therapy. That is, they may see their partner feeling more confident and starting to depend on them less, and this becomes intriguing.
As I am not an advocate for one form of relationship, you can be assured I will not try to sway you to stay in a relationship or not. Therapy is about finding out what the next step in your relationship will provide each of you with the maximum growth. If maximum growth comes because you decide to separate after therapy, that is better than staying together and feeling hopeless and defeated. If maximum growth is about staying in a relationship and learning to experience the anxieties of conflict without running away, than that is better for you and your partner if you choose it. Whatever the case, I am there to guide you to you outcome—I am not invested in maintaining a relationship that neither individual truly wants.
Love is not enough to keep a relationship together. Although many couples imagine that the love they feel for each other will carry them through, many couples have built their relationship on an uneasy version of love that is more transaction than spiritual in nature. (e.g., “I love him so much but he does nothing for me! I have every right to be mad at him! I don’t get my needs met!)
If love were enough for relationships, I wouldn’t have a therapy business frankly, because many couples express this sentiment coming in, but still have a horrible time in their relationship. Love may be present but so may be a feeling of stagnation, defensiveness, anger and contempt. Therefore, love is not the problem: the real problem is getting rid of the negative forces that surround your relationship, rather than continually staring at the obvious and positive one (love) and hoping that that is enough.
Unlike many other couples counselling therapists, I go deeper into the psychological and spiritual issues at play within your personal, sexual and relational dynamic. I open up the discussion with you and facilitate your exploration into each of your personal worlds to find your individual symbols, desires and passions. The deeper we go, the better for you and your partner: we increase intimacy (and usually eroticism!) and the more intense you and your partner’s growth will be every session.
Get in touch. If you would like to arrange an initial appointment with me, click on the buttons below and schedule your first appointment. I always welcome new clients and look forward to meeting and helping you.