Have you seen your sex life slowly fading over the months (or years) and now it seems routine and boring? Are you afraid that this portends something worse? That is, that the end of your relationship is near? Have you tried some “techniques” or have read some articles about sex but nothing seems to help? Are you fighting more and more with your partner and it seems to be related to the fact that your sex life is dwindling?
Perhaps sex has completely disappeared from your relationship? Maybe you are both considering having sex outside the relationship (or maybe you already have) and this makes you uncomfortable and anxious: “Didn’t we make promises to keep intimacy within our partnership?” or “I’m not sure if I’m ready for an open relationship: I’d like to stay just us.”
Do you love your partner but can’t imagine having the sex with them that you really crave? Does even thinking about bringing up what you really want to do with them make you cringe and worry? Does your partner seem relieved that you won’t bring up anything too strange for them?
Online sex therapy helps you understand the reasons why your sex life with your partner has changed and then helps foster better communication for a more satisfying (and sometimes electric!) sexual and intimate experience. Better sexual relations invariably improve relationships.
As a therapist, I am comfortable, experienced and trained to discuss a wide range of sex-related concerns ranging from exploring one’s sexual orientation (straight, bisexuality, asexuality, and any variations in between), BD/SM, kink, role play, sexual play, psychosexual desire and sexual symbolism.
The two main problems I see in my practice are low sexual desire and frequency disagreements between partners. Women who don’t have orgasms and men who ejaculate too quickly (or slowly) are often the quickest problems to solve. Technique problems, issues with oral sex, “ick” factor feelings about different sex acts, problems with porn, boring sex lives, an inability to get aroused, inhibitions, suspected addictions and fetishes are common reasons to come and see me.
A good first step is to make sure that your therapist is licensed to practice therapy and holds a professional, university degree in therapy and counselling. Secondly, you want to ensure that the therapist you choose is also specialized in sex therapy as one of their core competencies. Not only do I specialize in sex therapy (with considerable experience in the field), I also have a Masters-degree in Counselling from the University of British Columbia with an Honors designation.
That’s true; however, a book cannot sit patiently with you and listen, reflect back key pieces of what you are saying, and help you formulate and notice new things about yourself you may never have considered before. Although books have a lot of information, therapy contains a critical interaction: that is, it is in the relationship with a therapist that clients grow—not just in the knowledge that a therapist might have about a particular topic or concern.
Some people imagine that sex therapy is meant to simply increase the modalities of sexual experience. And while a threesome might work for some people to “spice up their sexual lives,” it usually is not recommended for couples who come in complaining about the lack of sexual intimacy between them. Instead, and primarily, sex therapy is designed to help couples talk about sex and intimacy with each other.
No, you won’t. Sometimes these reveals come up in the course of therapy, but only if you feel completely comfortable at the time and want to disclose them yourself. Therapy is about creating safety and comfort for people discussing intimate issues—it is not about creating more fear and anxiety.
Don’t worry: most people do ~not~ know very much about sex. As a sex therapist, I’m even amazed by the new sexual practices that people bring to me that seem like they are on the cutting-edge of the sexual world. Sex, and more importantly intimate sex, is barely touched upon in school and our society, in general, belittles and trivializes what is an incredibly important experience.
Unlike other sex therapists, I go deeper into the psychological and spiritual issues at play within your personal sexual dynamic. Instead of presenting sex as mechanical and methodic (as though there is some behavioral modification or procedure that needs to occur to make everything better), I open up the discussion with you and facilitate your exploration into this enormous world that contains your symbols, desires and passions. The deeper we go, the better for you and the more intense your growth every session. I am comfortable with talking about all kinds of sex and there is nothing off-limits or taboo in my sessions. I’m aware of how anxious you might feel talking about this intimate subject with each other and with a complete stranger, and I’ll help set you and your partner at ease as I guide you into talking about sex.
Get in touch. If you have concerns and questions related to sex therapy, and would like to arrange an initial appointment with me, click on the buttons below and schedule your first appointment. I always welcome new clients and look forward to meeting and helping you.