…but then, when you examine your life, you become disillusioned as you see how far you are away from that ideal?
Are feelings of isolation and depression stopping you from really living life? Are you so anxious, detached or depersonalized that you don’t even know who is looking out from your eyes sometimes?
Do you sense that no one will truly ever understand you—not even yourself? Or do you feel guilty with such a low self-esteem that you think that maybe everyone is right to judge you and you should just give up?
Are very concerned about your relationship: will it end if something doesn’t change? Maybe you want a big change but don’t know how to go forward? You might have tried everything you can think of but it is still unsatisfying and seems to be getting worse. You and your partner seem to be locked in a battle, sometimes even a silent one, but neither of you can understand how to put down your weapons.
Are your relationships in general driving you crazy? Do people seem so annoying and self-centered sometimes, you wonder if you are right to be angry with them? Are one or both of your parents refusing to grow up and parent you like they should?
Or, are you overwhelmed thinking about a career? Your old pattern isn’t working for you but the new one seems so far away and scary that you stay stuck and unhappy, wondering how to get from A to B.
All of these questions fall in the domain of therapy. Online psychotherapy can be extremely effective in helping people suffering from the symptoms of depression, anxiety, PTSD, trauma and depersonalization. Online psychotherapy can also help you understand, repair or change your relationships so that you end up living a more satisfying life. Therapy builds on your unique strengths, helps you see your life from different perspectives, and lets you move into the places of growth—far beyond those places of “stuckness” that so many people find themselves in today. But understand this too: normal life is hard regardless of your unique situation, and there is nothing wrong in seeking professional help. Many clients often come in feeling defeated, like there is something wrong even in seeking help. This is not the case; therapy is for everyone. In a society like we have constructed, if you aren’t in therapy, perhaps there is something wrong!
You aren’t alone in your question—many people, even those people not in therapy, like philosophers, have asked exactly this question for centuries. If it were easy, there’d be no need for therapy. Satisfaction and fulfilling one’s desires is actually one of the key pieces to look at when examining one’s life in therapy.
Many people find coming to a therapist daunting because our society tells them there is shame in not being able to handle life on one’s own. The idea goes something like this: although we are schooled throughout our life on topics like business and computers, we are somehow suppose to know “how to live a life”. This one course, the most important one perhaps, is never taught at school. On top of this however, we are constantly inundated with media messages on TV and the net with people being blissed out and happy, Facebooking with friends, and dancing on tropical beaches. When we compare what our lives look like, we feel like we screwed up somehow, that we have failed, and so we are guilty for not being happy like that.
This couldn’t be more of a lie. That’s why it’s important to find a therapist who understands the deep interplay of personal, relational and social constructs that come to make up our lives. This can give you a structure around which to start living your life, and/or be with your partner, in a completely new way—one that feels better and consequently gives you the confidence that you have been seeking. A good therapist, with a professional degree in counselling from a respected university, is there to provide you with an upward spiral to your life through talking about your issues.
The second part of this statement could very well be true. You may be complicated but this is usually the ego talking—that part of you that wants to stay complicated so that you never grow. As your therapist, I help you move beyond that voice by noting it and making you aware of it throughout our work. Life is actually quite simple, but the ego hates that idea! For it, simplicity is a horror because it means that it might vanish. Horror becomes fear and then all sorts of defenses start to come out of this desire to maintain complexity. As your therapist, I will help you simplify your life.
That said, if you have a lot to say, I am more than happy to listen to it in the finest detail if you so desire. Its important to be fully heard: even in your most complex ways. To have someone there that can finally understand you? Well, that’s a blessing in itself. And it is possible. I’ve had many client remark to me: “It feels so good to finally have someone understand that.”
This is partly true. Therapists DO want your money. (I like to eat frankly.) However, if I truly wanted a job just for the money, I would have gone into stockbroking. I enjoy my practice and one of the biggest joys I get is watching people come alive again. When someone finds themselves and starts to really explode outwards into life again, I get as much joy from that as doing it myself. So, I definitely want your money and I also want to see you become alive and vital.
Do I care about my clients? I care about all my clients as a matter of fact, but deep caring takes time to develop between two people. It certainly has nothing to do with the cash transaction between us: if it did, you would be right to suspect any “caring” as false.
And lastly, is therapy “bull”? No. I’ve experienced it myself (on the other end) and I can say it transformed my life. To have someone truly listen to me, to be understood—which then helps me understand myself—is extremely helpful to moving past stuck points. Granted, some therapists are terrible, and I can see why clients take issue with the entire industry. That’s why it is important to constantly evaluate your work with your therapist and work with a therapist who is very open to co-creating your therapy.
I am a really different therapist. I don’t say this with an ego but with more of a sense of reality of who I actually am. While most therapists maintain a topical and technical point of view with clients, I am much more versed in developing a deeply relational therapeutic bond with my clients. As well, unlike therapists who approach their job from one modality, I use multiple modalities to work with clients. Clients are not all the same; issues are not all the same; and, to use the same technique, or be the same way with every client is unnatural to me. Instead, I go with my client’s flow: sometimes I sense a certain technique is better than another. I let your experience direct the session and convert my thoughts into novel interactions that can help you grow.
Ever since I was very young, I have been interested in converting philosophy into “better living”. I am deeply involved in ideas about reality, spirituality, self and consciousness, and how these ideas influence each other. I understand that the deeper topics of life (i.e., “Why am I here? What’s the point of all this anyhow?”) are often at the center of many of my clients’ concerns—especially when we boil everything down within the sessions. What starts out as a topical conversation can, over the course of a session (or sessions) evolve into questions and concerns about these headier issues. This is important to be able to grapple with; and, I think that’s one of my strengths: a lot of therapists do not have the expertise to go down these existential “rabbit holes”.
Finally, I have an ability to be light-hearted and humorous. Humor is very important to therapy—it can help relieve a tense situation that is not benefiting the client, offer insight at a precise time, and repair breaks in contact between me and my clients.
Contact me using the “Schedule Session” buttons below or on this page. It would be a pleasure to meet you and start to work!